Can I ever be cured?
Can I ever let go of this demon?
This evil, strong and difficult m-f monster within me.
Its hunting me down.
Its tearing me apart.
Its working on its own demands.
Is it I, or something else?
Is it I that is jealous, that is unsatisfied,
that suddenly us equal to everyone else?
Is it the plutonean strong and underground-like energy that cannot let go?
That is stubborn in its rigidity, in its bitterness.
In its obsessive compulsiveness.
I hate its fucking manifestation in me.
I hate myself sometime.
Cannot think straight. Cannot act wisely.
Cannot continue what Ive thought my feelings are used by this monster,
they surrender ike a cat getting intimently touched.
Its infantile in a grown-ups body, the mind is crazy fo this shit.
Cannot have enough, but cannot let go, just to feel free?
Interact without possession?
The erge of controlling without making war?
Without vengence, without batteling every moment of my conquest of recognition?